Banning athletics events such as the 100m and the long jump in schools could save some children from mild bouts of breathlessness say the UK’s chief medical officers. ‘Let’s face it, as an exercise athletics is pretty much pointless . Nobody in their right minds runs anywhere these days….that’s why we have cars and taxis,’ explained one researcher. ‘Kids don’t even walk to school anymore so asking them to run 100m without profit or reward, simply confuses them’.
‘If you are offering a new iPad or weekend break at Centre Parcs then fine….but telling them it’s just for the sheer pleasure of taking part won’t wash anymore. Why not make the 100m part of the school run….get your mum to pick you up at the start and then drop you off at the finishing line like they do in the morning’.
‘Not only will it save the kiddies from getting out of breath it will teach them important life skills whereby people with the biggest, fastest and most expensive vehicles are the real winners in life. Don’t ask the kids to do something you wouldn’t dream of doing yourself. They will see straight through that.’