Jacob Rees-Mogg has announced that as a loyal supporter of the much admir’d Prime Minister Theresa May, he is going to harness the full power of social media and modern communication technology by personally writing, publishing, printing and distributing a new weekly pamphlet in praise of the beleaguered PM. This is understood to be in direct response to what he sees as the unfair witch-hunt against her, in the wake of the party’s recent conference somewhere in the Duchy of Lancaster.
‘I have acquired a small printing press and will be producing a most splendid and brightly optimistic communiqué offering Mrs May my fulsome and most loyal support,’ he told Miss Sophie Raworth of the Daily Intelligencer. ‘Furthermore I give notice that my intention is to print at least forty copies of the aforementioned pamphlet, entitled Concilianda Genus, and that I will then personally place a copy in each of the coaching inns and wayside taverns so prevalent around the environs of the Palace of Westminster.’
It is understood that, should the publication gain significant traction and support, it then might be possible to increase circulation by attracting sponsors to help with production costs. Mr Rees-Mogg continued: ‘Mrs May is an extraordinarily gifted politician and I see it as entirely possible that leading brands of our time, such as Tunes and Fuzzy Felt, would be only too happy to become associated with her vision for this realm of Great Britain. As for that low Grub Street publication The Guardian, I would happily see it burn’d by the common hangman.’
When pressed whether he might not perhaps achieve more effective and quicker results by using the plethora of digital technology and media marketing platforms Rees-Mogg looked puzzled before relying: ‘I have no time for new-fangled gimmicks such as magic lantern apparatus and so forth, no, indeed on the contrary, I prefer to do things in a tried and trusted manner. Besides, nanny would be most disappointed if I did otherwise. Now if you will excuse me, I have some Latin verbs to conjugate for my constituents.’