May refuses to say if she would vote for herself – or Jedward – again

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The Prime Minister Theresa May, who voted Conservative at this year’s general election, has batted off questions about whether she would still vote for herself again, saying she ‘doesn’t answer hypothetical questions’. During the election campaign, May claimed the UK had a ‘brighter future’ under a ‘strong and stable government’, with herself as PM. However, today she stated: ‘I voted May for good reasons at the time, but things change. The more important thing is that I am getting on with the job.’

Meanwhile, the Liberal Democrats are calling for a second general election after the details of the current government have been worked out and the public have ‘seen what they’re getting into’. Leader Vince Cable told us: ‘The public didn’t have all the information about what form the Government was going to take, and whether we would get hard or soft Tories. What we need is an election to confirm which government is to take us forward into the next general election.

Mrs May added that she could not guarantee the status of several cabinet members residing in the government and claimed that, if no deal was made within the party, thousands of Conservatives who found themselves in Labour ‘may be stuck there forever’.

In an interview with TV Weekly, May has also refused to say whether she would vote for Jedward in Celebrity Big Brother again. At the time of CBB 19, May was a vocal admirer of the Irish duo. However, she attracted criticism for not supporting Coleen who, although having Irish birth-parents, was born in Blackpool and is as English as a bulldog choking on a black pudding while wearing a bowler hat filled with light ale and watching Shane Richie in a Daz commercial about how to keep the cliffs of Dover white.

Before the end of the interview she was also heard to be coughing and saying she couldn’t answer the question as she had a Strepsil in her mouth. When asked why she was sucking a throat remedy that is produced by a company that originated in the Netherlands and makes most their products in India, the PM was heard to mutter ‘I’m clear about this…’, at which point the entire nation sandpapered its ears off, just to be on safe side.

Adrian Bamforth and Milo Shame

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Posted: Oct 11th, 2017 by

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