Following Prime Minister Theresa May’s assertion that ‘the ball is now in the EU’s court’, discussions about Brexit are to be based entirely on sporting metaphors. EU chief negotiator Michel Barnier has blamed the UK for taking their eye off the ball, while David Davis denied dropping the ball and said that he is very keen to get the ball rolling again.
‘It’s true that Scotland ballsed it up and Wales had to Bale out after the Republic of Ireland’s steadfast refusal to let anyone in,’ Davis admitted. ‘But England now have the ball at their feet and are moving forward, despite Jordan Henderson kicking it sideways all the time.’ Boris Johnson added: ‘We’ve told Old Junckers that we are fully prepared to pick up the ball and run with it, then smash it for six, or possibly 350 million.’
Meanwhile, Chancellor Philip Hammond said that funds would be available if the ball got kicked into the long grass, even if that were to lead to a whole new ball game. However, the President of the European Council Donald Tusk warned against continuing deadlock: ‘Don’t the English remember how they always lose in penalty shoot-outs?’ he said.
Hat-tip to throngsman