Middle class man ‘dangerously low’ on conversation starters with kitchen fitters


Fears were growing today for a life coach from Nantwich after it was revealed that he was down to his last anecdote in his attempt to bond with the workmen fitting his new kitchen. The news comes after the work spilled over into an unexpected second week, leaving Peter Steel desperately searching for potential common points of interest and unforced banter.

‘Things started well’, reflected Steel. ‘On Day One, I noted Mike and Roachy’s hot drinks preferences, and topped them up regularly with tea and biscuits. They seemed genuinely interested that I’d had an agency job for a day making Formica units in a factory in Peterlee when I was studying at Durham University in the 1980s’.

‘By Day three, however, I knew I was totally out of my depth’, recounted Steel. ‘I had eaten into my supply of off-the-cuff football references to England’s left midfield problem and I had repeated three times my story about plumbing in my own washing machine in my first house. I hated myself for telling it again but couldn’t stop myself. I don’t think they like me. They asked me what kind of laminate flooring I’d decided on and I couldn’t name a single style. Pathetic.’

With at least three more days of fitting to go, and Steel working from home for all of them, the life coach is thought to be preparing to ask whether Mike and Roachy like pub games, having established through extensive Google searches over the weekend that the pair play darts for their local pub. ‘I’d wanted to save that interaction until I was writing them their cheque, but needs must’, admitted Steel.

‘Nice bloke, that Mr Steel’, Roachy is reported to have said, while sipping his tea with five sugars. ‘It’s been a bit uncomfortable when he’s insisted on sitting in the middle seat in the front of the van when we haves our lunch, but he’s the boss.’

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Posted: Oct 13th, 2017 by

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