Britain has a track record of not getting the beers in, claimed Jean Claude Juncker, conjuring up a useful metaphor to characterise the country’s reluctance to pay any Brexit divorce bill. ‘On pub crawls round Brussels, Britain was always there hovering at the door when we went in, pretending to fumble for some change or answer a convenient phone call until Germany or France offered to buy the drinks’, he noted.
‘Then when asked what they wanted, Britain would always act surprised and say ‘Oh go on then’, and ask for one of those expensive gins. On meals out with the other 27 member states, Britain always ordered an extra starter and invariably went for the sirloin steak before suggesting splitting the bill evenly at the end when poor old Greece only shared a Margerita pizza with Bulgaria’.
David Davis is thought to have been thinking about his own metaphor for the current state of Brexit, with sketches on his ministerial notepad revealing a huge turd in a toilet that won’t seem to budge.