The BBC has announced its new “Minus 1” service – a new channel that shows programmes up to a day before they have been completed. “This shows the BBC’s commitment to be ahead of the game,” according to the new Director General, Tony Smythely. “BBC Minus 1 will show programmes before they’re made, giving viewers and listeners a real sense they are in on the action. Not as it happens. Before it happens. This means East Enders actors adjusting spray tans; the news where you will be, rather than where you are and the The Hairy Bikers having an argument with a production manager about having to share a hotel room, prior to making mini-cheese scones in Lerwick.”
The announcement was made a day earlier than scheduled to a sparsely attended press conference. Surprisingly, it was announced that even some live programmes will be shown much earlier than their scheduled transmission times, with the prospect of making many viewers instant lottery winners, and football pool millionaires. It’s thought this will make the BBC even more popular with its audience in the run up to charter renewal.
Mr Smythely also announced adjustments to the iplayer service. “We knew five years ago that viewers wanted to watch at a time that suited them, so we pioneered the idea of on demand viewing. Now we’ll go one further – broadcasting programmes to people whether they want them or not. Our new service will transmit to the inside of all licence-payers’ eyelids. This means they can catch up with favourite series in their sleep, or on long car journeys, without having to take an iphone or sleeping tablet device. They just close their eyes, and there is Michelle Hussain. That’s my experience, lately.” The BBC will rebrand the i player the ilid player. Although technologists are already working on a scheme to transmit the One Show telepathically.
He continued “The BBC is in the very bloodstream of British culture. Or will be. We are experimenting with a system in which popular BBC names from around the country like Bruce Forsyth, Mariella Frostrup, Claire Balding and that fat bloke who does the news in Scotland regularly give blood. We’ll amass a huge reserve of on demand BBC Plasma that can be transplanted directly into the veins of new born babies, making a whole generation feel genuinely part of a new BBC family of viewers.”