Braille porn discovered in textured kitchen rolls

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The RNIB has expressed concerns that kitchen towel manufacturers may be deliberately printing erotic literature in Braille on their products.

Partially sighted pensioner Dennis Chilcot was horrified when last Tuesday, clearing up some spilt tea, he felt the words: “perky nipples”.

“At first I wasn’t sure,” he told our reporter. “But I kept on feeling and, sure enough, it was utter filth. I’ve never been so embarrassed in all my life! Reading this could send me blind, if I wasn’t already!”

Susan Harris of West Bridge also contacted us to tell us about her visually impaired, 14 year old’s obsession with Plenty towels.

“My Kevin has recently started to be obsessed with kitchen roll. He’s always been a solitary child but he had taken to locking himself away in the bathroom for hours on end. I’d honestly no idea what he was up to, the filthy little beast.”

She continued, “We’ve started to buy Aldi’s own brand to try to stop his obsession but now all he wants to do is learn German.”

A spokesman for the UK Kitchen Towel Manufacturers’ Association, Mr Juan Sheet, has denied any involvement in this and called it an “unfortunate coincidence” but he was reluctant to comment on the recent takeover of Thirst Pockets by Larry Flynt.

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Posted: Oct 25th, 2017 by

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