Toddlers reject offer of extra hour in bed

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Britain’s under threes have welcomed the end of British Summer Time by waking up even earlier than usual on purpose.

As the nation’s clocks went back, toddlers across the country deliberately set their body clocks forward an hour in a synchronised display of abject bastardry.

Father of two-year-old twins, Nick Ferguson, said: “My son woke me from a deep sleep at 5.30am to ask me if grasshoppers had teeth. I said no. Then I realised it was actually 4.30am and briefly considered running away from home.

“I watched Zootropolis twice, went to two petting farms and spent nearly three hours in a garden centre looking at some goldfish. We were still nowhere near teatime and it felt more like 1am on the second night of a heavy stag do.”

Meanwhile non-parents have been threatened with extreme violence after innocently asking people with young children whether they enjoyed the extra hour in bed.

Mother of a six month old baby, Claire Haslop, said: “My younger sister came round yesterday and – with no sense of irony whatsoever – asked me if I enjoyed the lie in.

“She actually asked me that.

“I smiled and said ‘not really’ while making a mental note to one day set fire to her sofa.”

Matt Ward

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Posted: Oct 29th, 2017 by

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