Tax-avoiding entrepreneurs boasted that ‘next year we’ll be millionaires’


A south-East London family were part of a series of slick, if convoluted, plots for over 20 years to defraud the Exchequer, it has emerged. The latest release of Paradise Papers include hundreds of thousands of pages of material plus a 26 DVD box-set, about Trotters Independent Trading. Their ‘no income tax, no VAT’ technique was used to fund increasingly outlandish spending, including self-inflating blow up dolls and spontaneously exploding Albanian radios.

‘To the outside world, the Trotters carefully cultivated an image of a regular working-class family’, noted investigative journalist Lilian De Rennes today. ‘Trying their best to get on and very effectively combining obviously doomed money-making schemes with a strong sense of pathos.’

However, behind this façade, tax avoidance and slapstick humour was taking place on an industrial scale, all co-ordinated from a small tower block flat and the Nags Head pub. The pair were assisted in their escapades by two elderly brothers whose expertise in all things offshore allowed them to minimise their tax liabilities whilst also providing a wide range of running gags about their misfortunes whilst in the Navy.

‘Revenue records show that the pair hardly ever paid any tax. Indeed, at its height, around 24.2 million people appear to have been in the know about their avoidance activities,’ noted De Rennes. ‘The younger brother even appears to have had aliases, being called ‘Dave’ on more than one occasion. However, to date, we’ve not been able to find much actual evidence of activities overseas, apart from the one where they scatter Uncle Albert’s ashes in France and substitute Boycie’s hair gel for onion puree.’

Investigations are now focusing on some of the bizarre techniques used by the family to reduce tax payments for themselves and others. These include an elaborate shell company specialising in destroying expensive home furnishings, such as chandeliers, and bogus personal injury claims for accidents including falling through a bar. No-one from the family was available for comment today, although a number of sightings of the couple, dressed in Batman and Robin costumes, have been reported on UK Gold.

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Posted: Nov 7th, 2017 by

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