Priti Patel named as new James Bond


Following her dismissal from the government, Pinewood Studios has announced that Priti Patel will replace Daniel Craig as James Bond and is already shooting her first film. This decision was taken based on Patel’s ability to travel abroad, disguised as a simple holidaymaker, and conduct high level intrigue without arousing suspicion anywhere.

One leaked scene from the film shows Patel meeting Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu, himself disguised as a brush salesman. Patel tells him that her company, Universal Exports, might be able to can supply him with some more ‘brushes’ on the sly. Netanyahu is ecstatic, saying ‘At last we’ll be able to wipe out the Palestinians! Or rather… sweep them up, since we’re just talking about brushes, obviously’.

‘The fact that her name sounds like a bad pun helped too,’ admitted a studio spokesman. ‘Not quite up there with Pussy Galore but still…’


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Posted: Nov 9th, 2017 by

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