The internet is abuzz as Conservative Central Office released the first photo of the eighth Secretary of State for International Development, Penny Mordaunt, in character. Formerly known mainly for her role as the voluptuous underwater diving queen Morgana in the short-lived thriller ‘Splash’, Penny will come to our screens as the new Secretary in a surprise regeneration from the outgoing Secretary Priti Patel. She will be battling the arch nemesis of all the previous Secretaries, the DFIDians, throughout the autumn schedules.
The emergency regeneration followed a heart-stopping plot twist when the evil Lord Netayahu sapped the Secretary of her powers of tenacity, forcing her to jump into oblivion before being pushed by her fellow time travelling anachronisms. Fans of the series – generally known by the derisive nickname of ‘secretariats’ – registered little surprise at the choice of replacement for Patel, who was also recently battling the Palestybermen on the Golan Heights amid robotic shouts of ‘Expropriate! Expropriate!’
‘She was a fairly predictable option,’ said the founder of the Secretariats Anonymous Facebook page. ‘We’ve had a black Secretary in Baroness Amos, a lesbian Secretary in Justine Greening, a brummie Secretary in Clare Short and a barking mad one with a long scarf in Hilary Benn. The best they can say about this new one is that she appeared in The Navy Lark for a few years. They really have run out of surprise regenerations.’
Ms Mordaunt follows in the vein of the last few Secretaries in having absolutely no previous interest in international development and has admitted she had not watched the show before auditioning for the part. ‘As long as I can remain a little cagey about my whereabouts at all times and ham it up through all those rather ludicrous plot twists the scriptwriters seem to favour right now, I can see myself in the role for many weeks to come,’ she said.