Large car driven by twat has oversized poppy on it

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A flash looking car driven a monumental twat has an extremely large poppy sticking out of the radiator grille, it has emerged. The presence of this poppy clearly indicates that the owner of the flash looking car is a much better person than everyone else because he not only has a bigger car but clearly also cares far more about honouring the soldiers who died in two world wars.

‘Lest we forget,’ said massive twat Nigel Walker, using the subjunctive tense for the first time ever. ‘I think it’s vitally important that everyone pays their respects to the fallen at this time of year, which is why I have kept this very large polypropylene flower in my garage since 1997 and bring it out for three weeks each year leading up to Remembrance Day or once someone else’s poppy reminds me, whichever happens first.’

‘And even though it cost me £14.99 in Wilkinsons, I sometimes also give the odd pound to a collector in the street too, because what’s money?’ added Walker, who for no fathomable reason has a job well paid enough to enable him to buy a car he is unable to drive properly. ‘Two generations of young British men went to war for our freedom to drive around in flash cars intimidating people in smaller cars before parking them across two spaces at Sainsbury’s. It’s the least I can do.’

‘I wear a white poppy for two days a year to show my disapproval of all war and because I don’t want to make a big thing of a particular day, while also recognising the suffering of those who died in both world wars,’ said Barry Glazebrook, a different kind of twat who lives three doors down from Walker. ‘That said, I do have to admit that Nigel is probably a much better person than me because he has such an impressive car.’

The ghost of Private Sidney Dobson of the Royal Fusiliers, who drowned in a cesspit at the Battle of Ypres when he slipped over while trying to escape mustard gas, said: ‘Well, I’m still lying in the ground with bits of mud stuck to my bones, though naturally I’m happy it wasn’t in vain and you lot can spend your free time arguing on typewriters about who has the best poppy. Actually, not. Now fuck off and let me Rest in Peace like you keep saying you want me to.’

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Posted: Nov 11th, 2017 by

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