Muttley to be put down under new dangerous dog laws


The infamous rogue pooch Muttley, sidekick to villainous Dick Dastardly, is to be put down for aggressive and unnatural behaviour it has been revealed today.

Muttley was not on the list of approved dog breeds for the United Kingdom, with officials saying they did not take anthropomorphic beings into account. Some of the aggressive behaviour exhibited included frequent disruptions of the annual ‘wacky races’, illegal use of extravagant traps and general tomfoolery.

Police who seized the dog also arrested Mr Dastardly on animal cruelty charges, as Muttley’s laugh was consistent with that of a thirty-a-day smoker. Amongst other things seized at the property included a 20ft slingshot, 16 tonnes of bricks and several small propeller based airplanes.

Dastardly was said to be inconsolable at the impending fate of his friend, who insists everything they ever did was in order to win a single wacky race, something which they never accomplished in years of professional racing. ‘I no longer have my beloved minion to help me in my goals for wacky race stardom and setting up such elaborate traps will be too much hard work for a veteran of evil such as myself’ he complained.‘I hereby retire from all wacky races and will seek pastures new. While Muttley will be attempting to catch pigeons in that big sky in the sky I will attempt fiendish deeds in other areas. Does FIFA or the UK Government need another Dick Dastardly in its ranks? I am without reservation that they do.’


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Posted: Nov 12th, 2017 by

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