A Doncaster man has been banned from his local gym after it was found that he had been regularly having a post-workout shower without taking a piss at the same time. The offence was spotted by the male changing room cleaner, who noted that the shower tray remained a pristine white colour after Peter Smith, 24, emerged at 630pm each evening, rather than having the more typical light yellow film around the edges.
‘I’ve been under a lot of pressure recently, and in my rush to free up the shower for other users at a busy time of day, I forgot basic changing room etiquette’, argued Smith in his defence. ‘With a bit more time, I would have undoubtedly turned towards the wall, lathered up some extra shower gel to hide the flow of urine, and enjoy the sensation of warm piss on leg, but hindsight is a wonderful thing’.
‘Filthy b*stard’, said a naked man in the male changing rooms today, as he walked from the showers back to his changing spot, towel round his neck, dripping absolutely everywhere. ‘It’s people like that who ruin this place for everyone else. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ve got to absent-mindedly tug at my penis whilst standing about three inches away from you, before doing that thing where I dry my undercarriage by putting one leg on the bench and then start that two-handed sawing motion from front to back with the towel’.