Nelson’s Column converted into flats


Nelson’s Column has been converted into 30 affordable dwellings, with generous views and near-standing room for all but the average in height.  The iconic structure has stood for over 200 years; held together by pigeon shit and a rabid dislike of the French.

The 169 ft building has been infamously under-developed, with most of be structure wasted on supporting just one resident.  But thanks to some vertical boring and the world’s narrowest lift, 30 families will be able to stoop in luxury inside the generous 5’7″ high executive apartments.

Parking is limited and ablutions are of the ‘do it in the fountains at night’ variety.  The vertical tubular housing solution also has other innovative features.  ‘If you live at the top, obviously everyone else will have to go out first to make room for your descent’ explained the architect. ‘But what do you bloody expect for 800 grand?’

Simon Travis is hopeful the new development will mean that at 63, he can finally move out of his parents home.  ‘It’s time to leave the nest and settle down with my girlfriend. She’s really excited. It’s been very cramped sharing a Victorian postbox with both my parents and three siblings. But this will be the very definition of high-rise living’.


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Posted: Nov 15th, 2017 by

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