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Post Office queues now measured in eras
A survey published today confirms that the average time you will stand in the queue at the Post Office is 46 minutes and it doesn’t matter how many people are in front of you. [read...]
Daily Archives: November 16, 2017
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We’re just helping Mugabe find his keys, says army
The Zimbabwe army has denied that it has carried out a coup and placed Robert Mugabe under house arrest. ‘No, no, no, that is not true,’ a general told state media. ‘President Mugabe cannot leave his house as he has lost his keys and wouldn’t be able to get back in. [read...]
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Russia strongly criticises Corbyn’s future acceptance speech
‘How can a man set to increase his majority in Islington North by 4242 votes – including 789 proxies – think we care about British so-called-free elections?’ said a Kremlin spokesman. ‘Mr Corbyn should concentrate on what he does best; [read...]
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Home Office to phase out full-facial passport photos for gimps
The current identification system never envisaged leather-clad sex slaves habitually used to peering through a mask. [read...]
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Newsbiscuit’s Guide to Zimbabwe
Zimbabwe derives its name from an attempt to cheat at Scrabble by Cecil Rhodes. Zimbabwe recently won the international irony championship after placing the president under house arrest, then getting a man wearing military fatigues to announce that this wasn’t a coup. [read...]