We’re just helping Mugabe find his keys, says army


The Zimbabwe army has denied that it has carried out a coup and placed Robert Mugabe under house arrest.  ‘No, no, no, that is not true,’ a general told state media.  ‘President Mugabe cannot leave his house as he has lost his keys and wouldn’t be able to get back in.  All the troops and tanks you see out on the street are just looking for his keys.’

Until President Mugabe finds his keys and is able to leave his house the army will carry out some errands for him, such as getting in some milk, collecting his pension and running the country.  Reports that his wife has fled to a WI meeting in Namibia with the keys in her handbag have not yet been confirmed.  Nor have suggestions the keys slipped down the back of former vice-president Emmerson Mnangagwa’s sofa when President Mugabe went to round his place to sack him last week.

The streets of Zimbabwe’s capital Harare have remained relatively calm with most citizens seeming to accept that at 93 President Mugabe is quite likely to lose things such as his keys or 37 years of power.



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Posted: Nov 16th, 2017 by

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