‘Britain’s chaotic government needs order restored to it, which is why, now we have the Mugabe situation under control, we are taking over the British government.’ So said Major General Sibusiso Moyo after landing scores of Zimbabwean tanks in Dover in the early hours of yesterday morning, before heading to Whitehall, despite roadworks on the A2.
‘We have to save Mrs May from the criminals around her,’ continued Major General Moyo. ‘Especially the fat albino one and the oily squeaky one with glasses. Many others in her government face legal proceedings or have fled, so regard this as a gentle offer of international aid, not a military coup. Mrs May is safe and sound in No 10 Downing Street although we understand her husband Mr Philip Hammond may have fled to somewhere called The Isle of Wight.’
In a joint broadcast with the A to ZBC Major General Sibusiso Moyo said to listeners in the UK and Africa: ‘It is my honour to save Britain from itself. It is a land where sex greed and corruption have long run rampant, with a failing leader whose garish clothes and weak image in public tells the story of a dangerously vulnerable government about to enter into a catastrophic phase with its neighbours. Meanwhile ordinary citizens are burned out of tower blocks and face unprecedented food shortages after migrant workers are being told they can no longer work on white-owned farms.’