Britain’s registered clowns should be made to travel to their place of work in full costume, a leading political think tank has suggested. James Adams, a spokesperson for the advisory body, claims the policy would be a hit with other commuters.
‘With the recent riots, nationwide spending cuts and the Go Compare ads all taking their toll on our society’s collective morale, I think the psychological benefits of seeing someone struggle through a busy ticket-gate in outsized trousers cannot be overstated.’
‘And, if you’re going to be stuck in traffic on the way to work, wouldn’t you rather the cause be six fat clowns in a comedy car that has fallen apart and not some other, more routine, and distinctly un-hilarious road traffic fatality?’ he added.
But the plans have not been well received by the clowning community and Mr Sprinkles, chairperson of the UK’s largest clowning union, sees them as a pie in the face for his members. ‘These people have obviously never tried to get a plank on a tram or walk up an escalator in giant shoes – they just don’t live in the real world.’
Pouring cold water on the think tank suggestion (which actually turned out to be lots of tiny bits of paper) he also refused to rule out industrial action, ‘If we have to march on Downing Street, we’ll march on Downing Street. Then they’ll see that we’re serious!’
David Cameron is, as of yet, undecided on whether to act on the proposals, but says that clowns should be proud of, and embrace, the role they could play in his Big Society vision.‘No one’s saying this will be easy, but clowns need to do their bit too. If we do decide to push through with these measures, they’ll just have to put on a brave face.’
However there were hints of divisions within the clown community, after Cocoa came up behind Mr Sprinkles and kicked him up the bottom, prompting the parping of old fashioned car horns and the squirting of water from fake lapel flowers.
‘It was not a funny sight,’ commented one observer.