Much to the surprise of shoppers, the UK has reduced its worth by 70% – to the price of a discount Belgium or a top-end electric toothbrush. This Friday, trade deals will be available for a fraction of their original cost, with consumers expected to rush out to buy a 55-inch Smart TV or a Boris Johnson – ‘76-inches of Dumb’.
Theresa May is offering large portions of the economy to anyone with store credit or a plan to win the next election. While those with Amazon Prime, or watching ‘The Walking Dead’, can experience Brexit a full year before everyone else.
One Consumer Watchdog warned: ‘Just because the UK is going cheap, doesn’t mean it’s a bargain. Investors should be wary of budget economies, unbranded policies or anything Michael Gove has had a hand in. Normally Black Friday ends at midnight, but I suspect the UK will be cut-price for years to come’.
Said one EU representative: ‘I’d been standing in queue for 24 hours waiting for David Davis to ‘open shop’. Then at the last minute, there was a blind panic, as everyone pushed into negotiations. It was only then that we discovered the room was empty, apart from one damaged ‘Paw Patrol Sea Patroller’ – which they said was the UK’s new fisheries policy’.