The BBC has made the shock admission that the latest Eastenders plot line is just another tedious metaphor for BREXIT. This week the Taylor family matriarch saw a terrible decision of many months ago culminate in the possible loss of the family dog, Scotland, while a simple loan of £300 quid escalated to a debt of £53 billion.
The hapless but well-meaning Karen Taylor had an impossible task from the outset after being left holding the ugly baby after liaisons with wholly unsuitable men called Dave, Michael and Nigel, to name but a few. She has brazened out her situation wearing a succession of eye-poppingly inappropriate outfits, while affecting a total lack of self-awareness that she looked shit in every one of them.
Each week since her unnecessary gamble to secure a mandate from her children, viewers have been tortured by the inexorable progress towards the inevitable catastrofuck. ‘We are really looking forward to the chaos, penury and splitting up of the family that will make for a classic Eastenders Christmas with all the trimmings’, explained a BBC spokesman. ‘It will be a denouement that reconciles the entire nation to being on Universal Credit by the time Keanu gets wrongly banged up for doing in Michel Barnier’.