Reader’s Digest finally enters porn market

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The American publishing giant is to issue abridged versions of porn videos in the easy to digest format that is the company’s hallmark.

‘We’re aiming at the busy client who doesn’t have time to watch the whole movie,’ explains RD executive Mark Sims. ‘Market research has shown that 94 per cent of foreplay footage ends up never being watched. In fact, viewers admit to fast forwarding through anything that doesn’t consist of close-up shots of palpitating genitals’.

Mr Sims is confident of success. ‘Having reduced a masterpiece like War and Peace to fifty pages, we should have no trouble trimming down works such as Lawrence of the Labia or Hedda Gobbler to their essentials without compromising artistic integrity.’

He explains that the DVDs are to be issued in collections bound in imitation leather to make them indistinguishable from the iconic Reader’s Digest Condensed Classics. This should minimise domestic disputes and embarrassment. ‘Your wife will think you’re retiring to your den with our eviscerated version of Jane Eyre, when you’re actually about to treat yourself to two hours of hard-core donkey porn.’

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Posted: Nov 23rd, 2017 by

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