Deconstructed toilet roll, popular with xenophobes, homophobes, racists and bigots alike, The Daily Mail has announced that from next Monday’s print run that it will go ‘100% made-up’, bringing to an end its longstanding run of just being 99.999999999998% fictitious.
A spokesman for single-ply shiny tabloid, pretending to be a journalist said: ‘We thought it was about time to make this move. It’s been long overdue to be honest and our readership was crying out for it. So as from next week the day and date, currently the only factual information printed in each edition, will become totally random thus making everything in the paper, without exception, 100% made-up. We are launching with a special collector’s edition when the date we’re printing will be Stardate 41153.7.’
Reports that the Mail’s masthead will change from its traditional Royal Coat of Arms to a gay Muslim dole-scrounger being savaged by a British Bulldog are yet to be confirmed.