Man limbers up for 2 months bullshitting about Ashes


A Retford man was said to be as ready as he could be for the forthcoming Ashes series, despite having a very limited grasp about even quite basic cricketing concepts, it was confirmed today.
Peter McBride, 48, is said to have prepared even more diligently for this series than the previous 20 that he has lived through in his adult life, having read at least one preview article in the Metro on the way to work this morning, as well as liking on Facebook a continuously looping clip of Mike Gatting’s jaw dropping as Shane Warne spins his first delivery past him in 1993.
‘The Ashes is a one-off, isn’t it, and I think its everyone’s responsibility to understand the history and classic moments of this epic rivalry’, announced McBride rather tentatively to office mates, having never played cricket in his life. ‘Who can forget Headingley in 1981, Botham buying ice creams for everyone from the van in the ground, Freeman Hardy and Willis all steaming in from the Kirkstall Lane end. Brings out the goosebumps just thinking about it, doesn’t it?’
‘David Gower in 1991 wafting at that big tiger moth outside his off stump – the insects were awful in Queensland that summer, weren’t they?’, continued McBride, filling up his bottle at the water cooler. ‘Geoff Boycott’s thousandth hundred in 1977, or was it his hundredth thousand? I can’t remember. Spine-tingling stuff. For this series, in the field, its got to be Root at gully, Joseph Cotton for Third Man, and Good King Wenceslas in the Deep Mid-Winter.’
‘Anyone who doesn’t have Test Card Special on pretty much continuously in the background until January needs to take a long hard look at themselves’, argued McBride. ‘Aggers, Cheggers, Chequers and Chess, can’t wait to hear all the gang again. I mean who can forget that classic commentary when when Michael Jerking was opening the batting and Dino Zoff was running in, and Johnners commentated that the batsman’s Jerking, the bowler’s Zoff. Classic stuff.’

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Posted: Nov 24th, 2017 by

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