The Department of Media Culture and Sport is seeking to table a bill that will see Morris Dancing totally banned from beer gardens, village greens and country fairs, following a survey showing it is having a detrimental affect on Britain’s tourist trade.
John Usher, a regular customer at The Six Bells pub in Berkshire agrees. ‘Having a bunch of beardy, malodorous and overweight men arseing around outside, playing diddly-diddly music, wearing smocks and bells should never be allowed under any circumstances. Why can’t they take up train spotting or something more worthy?’
But the ancient art was stoutly defended by its society’s National President, Charlie “Caper-Caper” Clarke, who told Mariella Fostrup: “Well I don’t roightly know. There’s plenty o’ them as likes Morris, me little darlin’. Now tell me what could be better of a lovely sunny Summer’s evenin’ than six blokes all a-leapin’ about, drinking beer and a-fartin and a-burpin in the faces of tourists? Absolutely fabaluss I’d say, me pretty!”
However it’s understood that if the ban becomes law then the government’s next target on its dancing hit list will be Bruno Tonioli.