Thousands of devastated Tories are reported to be seeking counselling today, after it was revealed that the man they thought would be Britain’s saviour is only a fictional personage.
“Boris Johnson” started life as a cartoon character. He proved so popular that spin-offs on TV and other media soon followed. Fans were treated to such improbable episodes from his biography as “Boris goes to Eton”, “Boris in Westminster” and “Boris bats for Brexit!”
“There was even a surreal parody of the Dick Whittington story, where I made him mayor of London for a while”, reminisces his creator David Wiley. “The public lapped it all up, but not in my wildest dreams did I think they would mistake this absurd character for a real person”.
Wiley admits regretfully that it’s time to kill off Boris. “The whole thing has gone way out of control,” he says. “It’s got to the stage where he’s getting offers of marriage every day from infatuated Tory dowagers who think he’s going to kick Britain back into the nineteenth century.”
Meanwhile it is feared that Borisgate, as jaded hacks are inevitably calling it, has damaged Britain’s reputation abroad. Zimbabwe has already withdrawn its ambassador from London. “We cannot continue diplomatic relations with such a gullible and frivolous country,” a spokesman explained.