Mariah Carey ‘finally wants something decent’ for Christmas

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After spending years telling people how she didn’t want much for Christmas, Mariah Carey, has finally admitted she actually does give a f**k about what’s under her Christmas tree.

The American singer explained how she intended to have an extra large stocking hung upon her fireplace this year to make up for getting sod all for the past couple of decades since releasing her 1994 Christmas hit ‘All I Want for Christmas Is You’.

‘The cheap bastard men I’ve dated over the years all took the words of the song literally,’ said Mariah. ‘There I’d be Christmas morning all excited. I’d usually give them their present to unwrap first and then my man would tell me how he had gotten me my wish, before explaining how he was giving the gift of himself with a cheesy grin slapped across his face, which was there probably due to the fact that it hadn’t cost him a penny.’

‘I should have spoken out earlier about what I really wanted for Christmas. You know, like, expensive jewellery, perfume, a waffle-maker, bubble bath, fancy bluetooth speakers, personalised bath towels, chocolates… in fact I could probably name a hundred things I would have rather had than ‘you’ but I just used to put on a fake smile and pretend to be all happy, you know the kind of thing you do when you open your secret Santa from work.’

‘One guy I dated wrapped himself up on Christmas Eve and spent the entire night under the Christmas tree and once again on Christmas Day I’d have to pretend to be all ecstatic and overjoyed at the gift of him.’

Mariah Carey said she hoped the men in her life would get the message after the release of her new single, a Christmas version of the Queen classic, ‘I want it all and I want it now’. ‘My mum always told me it’s better to give than to receive.’ said Carey. ‘But durr – giving costs money, whereas receiving means you get stuff. It’s a no-brainer.’

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Posted: Dec 3rd, 2017 by

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