DUP demands ‘dado rail’ rather than soft border

The EU negotiations have been thrown into turmoil by the Democratic Unionist Party insisting on the same coving and ‘wall accoutrements’ as other UK properties. Theresa May had hoped to add some delicate pastel to Irish rooms, but now may be forced to paint everything orange

Historically the DUP has strong views on interior design, clashing with Republicans during the 70’s, by insisting on a large amount of Paisley. At its worst, loyalist paramilitaries often terrorized people with their indiscriminate use of wicker furniture, black kitchen units and ladders employed as shelves.

The DUP’s Arlene Foster said she rejected bland wallpaper borders and stipulated that her home have bold William & Mary style architraves and Union Jack wallpaper. While others are concerned that this could herald a return to ‘The Troubles’; with sectarian violence, floral pelmets and velvet sofas.

Controversially Mrs May had paid the DUP £1bn for their votes and to redecorate Belfast, but rumours persist that that the Unionists simply purchased a ‘really large’ lava lamp. A DUP spokeswoman declared: ‘No surrender! No cabled mouldings! No lavender or plum shades! Nobody wants to see a tasteful accent border wall – unless it’s designed by Donald Trump’.

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Posted: Dec 5th, 2017 by

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