An expedition sailing due west of the British mainland has reported discovering a substantial landmass thought now by many to be the mythical Emerald Isle, a make believe place that for many hundreds of years Britain has chosen to dismiss as nonexistent, or perhaps at the very most, insignificant and of no real consequence whatsoever.
Calling itself Ireland, it appears the new country is reported to be inhabited by a clever, lyrical and artistically gifted people who have even evolved their own social structures and government, running it all totally independent of Britain’s influence and interference.
But Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, was sceptical upon hearing the news. ‘Poppycock! This is pure nonsense. A land full of Guinness, little people, singing pubs and Riverdance is just the sort of fairytale stuff I was taught by Nanny O’Shea. Next you’ll be telling me that they’ve won The Eurovision Song Contest seven times and that James Joyce wasn’t British!’
However our government may have to wake up and smell the espresso, as it seems Ireland is already part of the EU and has considerable influence with the other member nations over Britain’s ability to negotiate a workable Brexit solution.
When asked how she intends to handle the situation Theresa May said: ‘It does all seem something of a far-fetched yarn, but if Ireland is a real country then we might perhaps have to take it into our calculations.’
Meanwhile Arlene Foster, leader of Britain’s most north-westerly colony has cautioned dealing with what she has called these ‘Irish upstarts’ and has sent a brief message to Mrs May simply saying: ‘NO!”