Journalists and politicians were facing an analogy crisis today after their go-to Brexit mataphor was found to be suffering from exhaustion, overwork and an existential crisis. The news comes just hours after Kier Starmer invoked a little known parliamentary rule to borrow what is thought to be the last tail and dog in the House of Commons store cupboard, to decorate his DUP and Tory analogy.
‘The EU tail has been wagging the Brexit dog for the last 18 months. Some say Brussels has been wagging our tails for 4 decades’, noted one commentator. ‘Nicola Sturgeon also has her tail up and now Arlene Foster is wagging her tail behind her, or is it Theresa May’s tail? Is David Davis one of those Austrian Pinscher dogs with no tail? Does that work?’
The situation has been compounded by the conclusion of the second Ashes test match, with journalists contractually obliged to note that the England tail failed to wag. With the players’ wives and girlfriends joining them on tour, some are concerned that the WAGS will now be tailing a dog of a tour.
The tail of a tail-wagging-dog summit between journalists and politicians that went on late into the night, failed to wag, according to insiders. However it was agreed that for Brexit, the analogy worked best as one of those Escher never-ending stairs drawings.