The social network has announced it intends to target under 13’s who have friends that are ‘as fictitious as Facebook’s own tax returns’. This lucrative market would allow a kid to keep online contact with a monster-under-the-bed or a ‘Bunbury’, while at the same time updating their own status from ‘single’ to ‘probably inappropriate for a child’.
Messenger Kids will require adult approval for any contacts, to allow parents the chance to filter out undesirables – such as Beliebers, children who still use the word ‘totes’ or Alabama Senate candidate Roy Moore. Instead every child will be left with a sanitized, vetted and extensive list of people that they can interact with – sometimes upwards of two.
To offset these restrictions, underage Facebookers will be encouraged to extend their friendship group to all things imaginary; including the rabbit from Donnie Darko, Harvey Weinstein’s defense or an amicable Brexit. Yet primarily the focus will be on imaginary people with no agenda – or Lib Dem voters as they are known.
Meanwhile Jeremy Hunt has taken to Twitter to criticize Facebook for actively targeting younger children. A spokesman confirmed: ‘The Health secretary has never targeted the young, vulnerable or sick – and he’s not about to now’.