A hand-written letter has been discovered in Luxor, predicting that emojis would destroy Ancient Egyptian culture. It appears to be signed by King Rameses II.
Scribed in beautiful cursive, probably using a nice, old-fashioned pen, the document uses correct grammar and punctuation to deliver the dire warning.
A string of early emojis have been scrawled under the text in reply. They read ‘man with bird head, man with bird head. Beetle, big eye, hand, squiggle. Knife, knife, knife, knife, knife.’ No-one has the faintest clue what this could mean.
“We call the earliest emojis ‘hieroglyphics’ and they’re largely childish nonsense” explained Egyptologist Stephanie Sandles. “We noticed that they started to appear just before their civilisation collapsed utterly. :(.”
Sandles believes that undue effort was spent on emojis, including building giant monuments in their honour.
“The text describes how thousands of workers wasted otherwise productive time building giant smiley poos in the desert”, she explained.
“The skeleton of these monstrosities can still be seen today. But with the brown outer layer worn away by the weather and the eyes stolen by thieves, they just look like a load of boring pyramids.”