EU negotiators announce extended break ‘to celebrate windfall

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Following the agreement to pay the EU a £39 billion ‘divorce’ payment, the EU negotiation team have stated that it will be ‘February before any of us are sober enough to resume further talks. We expect there will be only £42.38 left of the reparations by then, if we stick to Wetherspoons,’ they added.

UK experts have welcomed the delay as ‘it will take six to eight weeks to simultaneously find the money, appease the Brexiteers and work out what a soft border actually means.’ The NHS has applauded the deal as it seems they’ll only have to wait two more years after Brexit to start reaping £320M a week to replace years of government cuts. ‘It might not be soon enough to help Boris Johnson avoid the inevitable lone gunman situation, but unfortunately cuts due to Brexit means we can’t prevent that,’ said a smirking MI5 officer.

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Posted: Dec 13th, 2017 by

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