The Bryants, ‘A clan of notorious and litigious complainers’ from Billericay, have stunned local media by declaring themselves ‘well pleased’ after visiting a pop-up Christmas Winter Wonderland in Peterborough.
Dad, Peter, speaking on BBC Radio Essex said: ‘It was great, to be fair. We went expecting it to be useless so we could complain to get us all on the telly and in the papers again. You know, having a right pop in order to get a refund and substantial compensation. But as I say, it was actually brilliant. The whole experience left us with a warm glow and feeling really Christmassy. It couldn’t have been bettered even by Disney in all honesty.’
Mum Dianne agrees: ‘We was expecting to see wobbly cardboard sets, cows with stuck-on plastic antlers as reindeers, some nicotine-stained old Santa bloke and maybe a few eighteen stone elves having fag breaks every five minutes. But it was breathtaking, Santa was fantastic and the presents were really impressive too. The kiddies were completely enchanted and loved it. Ten out of ten. No quibbles at all.’
However it seems the whole experience has placed Peter in a quandary as he explained: ‘We really need to get some money together for Christmas, so I’ll likely now end up having to put a piece of toenail in a Tesco microwave curry and threaten legal action if they don’t give us a free two-minute trolley dash the day before Christmas Eve.
Chipchase (hattip Skylarking)