The nutritional value of jism has been highly overstated, according to sports scientists at the University of Loughborough.
‘We usually study press-ups’, said one scientist, ‘but there’s only so much you can say, really. Yeah, do more of them and you’ll get fitter, etc. It literally isn’t rocket science.’
‘So we decided to look at sports nutrition, starting with jizz. OK, jizz swallowing isn’t a proper sport, but I was definitely told by my PE teacher at school that it improves your core fitness. This research shows how wrong he was. God, I’ll enjoy sending him a copy of my paper when it’s published. Who’s the spazz now, Mr Ellis?’
