Affable mutton-chopped Slade frontman Noddy Holder is to donate the royalties for Merry Xmas Everybody to fund the NHS in perpetuity and also to cover the cost of HS2 and any associated environmental clean-up requirements.
‘It’s a drop in the ocean as the song nets me around £5 billion a week at this time of year, Holder said. ‘And as a Brummie, knocking thirty minutes of London to Birmingham journey time, although bloody pointless, is nevertheless a legacy I’m happy to leave my fellow Midlanders.’
The Department of Health is to contact Roy Wood and Jona Lewie to secure funding for other projects such as rebuilding our armed forces, but dismissed fears that Sir Cliff Richard might also be approached. Jeremy Hunt said: ‘Even we don’t want to have to listen to Mistletoe and Wine ever again.’