Theresa May has returned to Downing Street empty-handed after failing to find the cut-price Brexit she wanted in the Boxing Day sales. She may now have to have to pay the full price, with 18 months of party squabbling and wholesale back-stabbing and even then may not achieve a working solution.
Mrs May was up before dawn but, after queueing outside the French embassy for an hour, she found they were offering no Brexit bargains whatsoever, while the German embassy did not even bother to open up after bailing out Italy on Black Wednesday.
Hopes were raised briefly when Portugal suggested it might have a cheap concession on offer but then refused to deal in sterling. Nigel Farage told reporters: ‘We will have to pay full price for Brexit, but it’s worth it, even if all we get is our blue passports back.’