Due to his continuing absence from any kind of reality TV show, supporters of the Zimbabwean dictator fear he my have been secretly assassinated.
“This is a sinister development”, said supporter Simon Nubwale. “Anyone who was ever famous for more than a week is guaranteed to show up on some crap TV show for has-beens within a month of their resignation”.
Britain’s army of politicians turned reality TV contestants agree. “Turning your country into a laughing stock is no bar to success in television”, says veteran reality star Ann Widdecombe.
Meanwhile, a press release has been issued purporting to come from the ex-president: “Mr Mugabe has been repeatedly voted into office by 99 per cent of his grateful and adoring nation. He has no wish to grovel for the votes of five million British couch potatoes who watch I’m A Celebrity”.
However, sources close to the 93-year-old dictator say he is simply holding out for a larger appearance fee. “After dealing in Zimbabwean dollars for so long”, one of them explained today, “our great leader is understandably unimpressed by offers such as a million pounds for a two-week appearance”.