The University sector has greeted the appointment, as a regulator, of The Honourable Toby ‘I destroy schools as a hobby’, Young, with muted applause. In fact many academics likened it to putting King Herod in charge of nursery provision.
Not one to duck the difficult decisions- like who to annoy today – Mr. Young is tasked with applying ‘market forces to higher education’, with a big bottle of kerosene and a match. As head of the New Schools Network, Mr. Young’s current job is to implement cutting-edge educational ideas, found by looking through old strips of ‘The Bash Street Kids’ in the Beano.
Mr. Young’s previous educational experience, alongside inserting his head in Michael Gove’s rectum, includes co-founding and then co-messing-up a West London school. Explained one of Toby’s successful graduates, as he stacked shelves: ‘Never one to pass up a free lunch, Toby is a passionate advocate for ‘free’ schools; if by free you mean free to ignore the curriculum, tax returns and teaching qualifications’.
Commented one Oxford Don: ‘The first question that faces any University regulator is how the f$*k Mr. Young got into University in the first place and what idiot told him he had passed?’