It’s being reported that village police stations around the country have been inundated with hundreds of disenfranchised UKIP voters, all wanting to sign up as volunteer border control officers, following the latest bizarre government proposal.
One such person, Norman Blackstaff, a retired bank manager told The Mail: ‘At last! A chance to do my bit for Queen and country by keeping Johnny bloody Foreigner at bay. OK, so we won’t have uniforms just yet but I think the proposed armband will make any potential illegal immigrant think twice before invading our green and pleasant land. Oh yes.’
One elderly gentleman was seen entering his local police station carrying an army sword and repeating ‘They don’t like it up ’em…. permission to volunteer, sir.’ He was accompanied by a second gaunt Scotsman who continually wailed, ‘We’re doomed!’
Nigel Farage has thrown his weight behind the initiative and has self-styled himself National Commandant of the new force. ‘I’m holding an enrolment rally at The O2 and it’s come one come all. This is what bigots and xenophobes have been waiting for since last June,’ he told John Humphrys.
However when the veteran presenter then suggested that the idea is ‘essentially nothing more than a rather laughable Dad’s Army affair’ Mr Farage replied, ‘Your name vill go on zee list. Vot is it?’ and when his co-presenter said, ‘Don’t tell him, Humphrys!’ the interview appeared to end in a scuffle before the programme was taken off the air amid some confusion.