Reclusive Bannon renounces the ‘Alt-Jedi’


Steve Bannon has revealed that he left the White House swearing never again to train another Alt-Jedi after the last one went spectacularly bad. A haggard and remorseful Bannon said, ˜The Republican Party was my life, spreading darkness throughout the galaxy, until my last student has proved a terrible disappointment. He has sucked all the dignity out of dystopia.”

‘It was bad enough that Donald wears a ridiculous orange mask in a vain attempt to look as tanned as his true hero, Darth-Obama, who is in any case from the wrong side of the Force’, continued Bannon. ‘But the beginning of the end came when he introduced Jar-Jar-Binks, known by some as Nigel Farage, as a ‘close but unofficial adviser’. That ruined the whole franchise for me, having a wet, rubbery, puppet with a silly accent prancing around in the Death Star golden elevator. The Alt-Jedi should just be allowed to die after that.’

Trump has now slain all of his closest lieutenants, keeping only the protocol-droid known as ‘Mike Pence’ by his side. In a belated attempt to keep the galaxy safe, the CIA-resistance has supplied Trump with a shiny, red, fake death-star button to keep him entertained. ‘It only looks big in Donald’s hands’, said Bannon, ruefully. ‘May the Farce be with you’.

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Posted: Jan 5th, 2018 by

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