Camelot seeks best excuse for losing £33m lottery ticket

missing lottery ticket

Hundreds of greedy, lying bastards are busily working on persuasive arguments to present to National Lottery organiser Camelot in an effort to win millions of pounds that they’re not entitled to.

Following the news that only one of the two winners of the record £66 million Lotto jackpot has so far claimed their half of the fortune, Camelot is inviting the public to submit evidence that they bought the other winning ticket, followed by the reasons for it becoming lost, stolen or damaged. Apparently, ‘a big boy took it’ and ‘my dog ate it’ are unlikely to win any prizes, as Camelot seek the most ludicrous, far-fetched and outrageous excuses before deciding not to pay out to fraudsters.

The missing ticket was apparently sold in Worcester, but that hasn’t deterred chancers from claiming a remarkable coincidence that they visited the city for the one and only time in their life, for no obvious reason, during the first week of January. Indeed, unfamiliarity with the location is frequently used to explain away an inability to identify precisely which outlet sold them the ticket, ‘although I’ll remember it if you take me there’, claimed one manipulator of the truth.

Others are concentrating on establishing their reasons for choosing the winning numbers of 26, 27, 46, 47, 52 and 58. One man of 52 explained that he and his wife, who is 47, live at number 58 and they have two children aged 26 and 27. ‘And I had sex 46 times during December’, he added, without clarifying whether he was alone on all 46 occasions.

A Camelot spokesman explained that all claims must be submitted in writing within 30 days of the 9th January draw and every one received will be fully assessed for inventiveness, artistic merit and bare-faced cheek. ‘We’re really enjoying reading them all and we may award cash prizes for the best pieces of writing,’ he said. ‘We like donating money to good clauses.’

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Posted: Jan 9th, 2018 by

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