The Queen of Hearts has been reported as feeling ‘crumpled’ after some cards in her pack refused to be shuffled. One card, the Queen of After School Clubs had to leave the pack altogether having failed to be moved to a position of her choice. Another, the Jack of C$nts steadfastly refused to move at all, after slowing a nationwide game of patients to a standstill. Meanwhile both Jokers were left exactly where they were. A lot of faceless cards with low to medium face value were moved to the top of the pack, with the express intention of diverting attention.
The Queen of Hearts insisted that the shuffle had been a success and the deck is completely functional, and ready for more deceptive tricks on the public.
But it’s understood that disbelief in the shuffle means that the next time the British public is asked to pick a card it will ask for a completely new deck, with a red King as leader of the pack.
The reshuffle was brought about by a card being told to ‘Hit the Road, Jack’ after being caught playing solo online Poker, which the card continues to deny from his new position in the paper bin.