In a surprise announcement from No. 10 this morning, Larry the Downing Street Cat has not only retained his current role in cabinet, he has also replaced David Davis in a newly tailored Cabinet post of ‘Minister for Lazying About Doing Nothing’. Early this morning, Larry was called to a meeting with Prime Minister Theresa May to discuss her “disappointment with his role as Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office”. Mrs May has been unhappy about his performance since her last reshuffle, as altogether, he had caught no mice, one cockroach and a small ball of fluff coughed up by the Prime Minister at a cabinet meeting shortly after the Conservative Party Conference in October.
After a heated exchange, which went on for several minutes, Larry emerged from the door at Number Ten with a grin on his face more reminiscent of the Cheshire Cat in Lewis Carroll in Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland. Not only was he still ‘Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office’, he’d also added to his brief ‘digging-up No 11’s rose-borders’, plus David Davis’s former role of ‘Secretary of State for Exiting the European Union’.
In an interview with the BBC’s Laura Kuenssberg, Larry stated that “May caved in almost immediately. All I had to do was bare my claws and growl a bit, and the rose-border job was mine. Then I pointed out that I could lazy around on the window ledge in the Department for Exiting the European Union, doing nothing all day long, without a care in the world, Not only wouldn’t I need a salary nor hire expensive private jets, unlike the present incumbent, being a cat, I am actually clever enough to do the job. We negotiated a bit of fresh fish and a ball of wool, and the job was mine.”
Asked what his ambitions are the future, Larry emphatically declared that he wasn’t interested in the Prime Minister’s job, but he fancied having a go at the environment. “I could crap that up in no time,” said Larry.