Incoming Conservative Party Chairman, Brandon Lewis, has admitted that the botched re-shuffle happened because the Conservatives don’t have enough actual party members to appoint.
‘We’re not in disarray, yet. We’ve doubled up on most of the jobs: ‘Health and Social care’, ‘Housing, Communities and Local Government’, that sort of thing. Also, we figured that if we just move people about all the time, no-one will notice, and then we just stick Grayling in for half-an-hour here and there to plug any gaps – like that roll-call scene out of the ‘Great Escape”, he said.
The admission raised eyebrows, as although the Conservatives have faced claims that their membership numbers have plummeted, lower estimates of around 70,000 would still provide enough people to fill the Government positions.
‘70,000? Would be nice! Actually we have no idea of a figure. Membership lists are local, not centrally done, and we don’t have anyone available to add them up’ said Lewis ‘and just for the record I’m not just ‘Party Chairman’, but also ‘Minister Without Portfolio’, ‘Secretary Of State for Work and Pensions, Immigration, Culture, Women and Equality’, ‘Chief Secretary to the Treasury’, ‘HR Coordinator’, and we’re all on a rota now for taking out the bins.