As a result of the interim report from the Grenfell Inquiry the trustees of the Stonehenge have announced that they are installing sprinklers in the ancient monument. ‘English Heritage and National Trust have found it necessary and their properties are only visited by a handful of pensioners every year,’ said a Stonehenge spokesman, adding, ‘but we get hundreds of thousands of visitors.’ He noted that it was a shame the Stone Age builders didn’t ‘build a couple more, because that would have helped with demand.’
He claimed that there was still some confusion whether the ‘stone cladding’ was acceptable. ‘We’ve looked for a kitemark everywhere, but can’t find any evidence of the structure being built to an acceptable standard. It may have to be pulled down if we can’t find suitable documentary evidence.’
Building Inspectors have been critical of the amount of emphasis Grenfell has created on fire safety. ‘Never mind the travel distances, who checked the footings?’ asked one Building Inspector, adding, ‘and I’m very concerned that one of the lintels will topple off in the wind.’ Stonehenge Trustees are confident that the structural components are up to scratch and point out that in reality only a small fraction of the annual visitors are allowed in the monument these days. ‘Ageing bloody Druid hippies,’ pointed out one trustee, ‘if a lintel fell on them it would do us all a bloody favour,’ he said.