A white house spokesman has denied that President Trump deliberately snubbed the UK by leaving it off his list of ‘shithouse’ countries. The spokesman said ‘I can assure the people of Great Britain that the president truly regrets not including them along with nations such as Haiti, El Salvador and Nicaragua. Sadly, he misspoke during a moment of intense excitement while berating a junior member of staff over the opening of the US embassy in the notorious “no go” area of south London and any perceived snub was entirely unintentional. The people of Britain have absolutely nothing to feel defensive about as far as we are concerned.
‘You only have to look at the place – the hospital corridors are clogged by dead bodies on the floor and patients on trolleys, the transport system disintegrates in a puff of wind and poor little impoverished Brits are trapped by record levels of personal debt. As far as the president is concerned it’s right up there with all the other undesirable locations he wouldn’t want to go. ‘
A state department official later said that sending Rex Tilloson to open the new embassy was a smart move – ‘if he gets blown up by one of the muslim gangs who rule south London and dies in the back of an ambulance queuing outside an A&E department it’ll save the president from having to sack him at a later date.’