‘FFS’ said Lewis Lewis, a black rat. ‘They couldn’t even give us a proper name, just “Rattus rattus”. What kind of title is that? His mates Thomas Thomas and Morris Morris agreed, pointing out the frequency with which those with the same forename as surname appear as defendants in the Criminal Justice system.
‘Obviously, just being given a stupid, unimaginative name by your brain-dead parents who are too thick to be able to quite grasp the difference between a forename and a surname can’t in itself set someone on a career of being a useless, unemployable tosser, so it’s clear that, for some reason, the Filth just picks on people like us what have only really got one name, repeated.’
This was emphatically denied by a spokesman for the Crown Prosecution Service. ‘We are not at all prejudiced against individuals who happen to have a name which some may regard as inappropriate or even merely unconventional’, said Barry Barry.