With reports that significant reductions to funding are set for early 2018, even more experimental new policing practices are being considered to cope with further cuts that have been forecast.
One proposal forces are looking at carefully is hiring schizophrenics to serve as police officers. ‘Schizophrenic officers will halve the costs for good cop bad cop interrogations, as only a single officer will be required to fill both roles’, explained one Chief Constable. ‘A big positive here is that this technique puts the suspect in a state of unease, which makes them conveniently easy to exploit.’
Although any official implementation of the practice is some way off yet, it is believed that several police stations have already trialled the technique in roll play situations with favourable results.
Quizzed on the matter at a recent press conference, Home Secretary Amber Rudd, defended the cuts, praising the ingenious and innovative methods generated as a result. She was also upbeat regarding the value of wider budget cuts on social spending, declaring: “It is fantastic that our new measures are creating more jobs in the schizophrenic sector and I have half a mind to recommend other departments look into this also.’
jacob.hutchinson
