Police in two minds over proposed budget cuts

Police are seen on duty in Auchterarder near the Gleneagles Hotel where the the G8 summit is being held in central Scotland, July 6, 2005. Dozens of protesters clashed with police on Wednesday and blocked roads around a luxury hotel where the world's most powerful leaders were to tussle over aid to Africa and combating global warming. Hooded activists smashed car windows and fought with riot police in the nearby town of Stirling while others set up impromptu barricades on the roads around the heavily guarded complex hosting the summit of Group of Eight leaders. REUTERS/Dylan Martinez Pictures of the Month July 2005  DJM/DY

With reports that significant reductions to funding are set for early 2018, even more experimental new policing practices are being considered to cope with further cuts that have been forecast.

One proposal forces are looking at carefully is hiring schizophrenics to serve as police officers. ‘Schizophrenic officers will halve the costs for good cop bad cop interrogations, as only a single officer will be required to fill both roles’, explained one Chief Constable. ‘A big positive here is that this technique puts the suspect in a state of unease, which makes them conveniently easy to exploit.’

Although any official implementation of the practice is some way off yet, it is believed that several police stations have already trialled the technique in roll play situations with favourable results.

Quizzed on the matter at a recent press conference, Home Secretary Amber Rudd, defended the cuts, praising the ingenious and innovative methods generated as a result. She was also upbeat regarding the value of wider budget cuts on social spending, declaring: “It is fantastic that our new measures are creating more jobs in the schizophrenic sector and I have half a mind to recommend other departments look into this also.’

jacob.hutchinson

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Posted: Jan 17th, 2018 by

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